The Saturday before Mother's Day is Birth Mother's Day, a day set aside to celebrate the brave women who made the difficult choice to place a child for adoption. Today, I will join many adoptive moms who will publicly honor the women who gave life to our children. Today we will celebrate the women who are on our hearts, remembered & prayed for, every day.
Many do not understand this love I have for these women, the women who gave life to my children. I am expected to resent the woman who battled with addiction, yet was able to conceive and give birth. The single mom who struggles to feed the children she's raising is seen as "undeserving" of this beautiful child I now hold. I am told how unfair it was that these women were blessed with "unwanted" children, while I struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss and desperately prayed for a child. Many question how a woman could "give away her child." Many assume it was easy for her, that the child is now long forgotten. These people who believe these things, say these things, they do not know what I do.
I know that the women who gave life to my children, in a world where abortion is so easily accessible, where it is so often seen as the "easy" way out, were selfless and courageous in making an adoption plan. I know that the decision to place their child for adoption was one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching decisions each of these women has ever made. I know that the choice to give their child a new family, a family that could provide more than she could, was never an easy choice. I know in each of their hearts, these children will never be forgotten.
So today, I am here to say to the women who gave life to my children, you too will never be forgotten. You will ALWAYS be his first mother, the one who gave life. It is your smile I see when I look at my son. I know that it is your eyes, your beautiful skin that others see when they tell me how handsome our boy is. You, their first mother, will forever be a part of my child. And because I love him, this amazing gift you gave me, you will also forever be a part of me.
I promise on this Birth Mother's Day, and every day, that I will tell him how much you love him. I will assure him that although you may regret many mistakes, he was never a mistake. I will tell him how strong you are and share the story of how his first mommy made a difficult and selfless choice and gave him a new family to provide what you felt you could not. I will share with him his roots and the story of all of us. I will tell him how special he is to have been wanted and loved by two moms.
I want you to know that I am aware that each moment of joy I find in this child came at a tremendous cost to you. I want you to know that you are loved. I will continue to pray for you each day, that God might heal your broken heart. My greatest wish is that God would give you peace in knowing how loved and cherished this child, this incredible gift, is to our family.
Tomorrow, I will be honored and celebrated as a mother. Tomorrow I will pause to remember all those painful Mother's Days in the past, when my heart broke and my arms ached. I will remember the tears and the pain and I will think of you, dear first mothers, the women who made possible the joy I now know in having these amazing little people call me mom.